Well, hello again.

I know I've spent the last four months... Away, but I actually miss this old blog of mine. I miss being free to say whatever the hell I want, whenever I want to. I know I already do that a lot in person, however I never really get to say anything meaningful when I'm around other people. This is really the only place I can do that.

There are really a ton of things I want to say, but I don't know which should come first.

Eh, I'll just start with saying that I'm a very different person than I used to be. When I moved back here to Okinawa in eighth grade, I was some Disney-obsessed, awkward, twelve year old, just trying to fit in because I thought that doing that would make me feel useful and wanted and happy. But it made me void, in a sense. I was a misprinted carbon-copy of a middle school girl, just going with the crowd and doing and wanting whatever everyone else did. I just wanted someplace to belong, and people to like me. I sacrificed a lot of myself to be "with" all the people around me.

Freshman year, I was alright with my life for a while, and then I just turned back into my old self. Looking for approval through hanging out with "popular" girls and just dropping my best friend because she wasn't "popular". I walked away from Zoey and didn't care about anyone but myself and keeping up with the "socially acceptable" girls that had everything I thought I wanted. Then somewhere I realized the girl looking back at me in the mirror wasn't me at all, it was some dipshit trying to be something she wasn't. So I made things right, got back to the things and people that made me happy and didn't expect me to be anyone. Life was peachy for a while, let me tell you.

Flash forward to this past year, sophomore year, and stuff was great. I had my favorite teacher once again, did some theatre stuff, and bopped around school doing what I wanted to do. Lost some friends for the better, made some friends for worse, met (and almost loved) a guy who wasn't who he said he was, made up with Ryan for the better, and up until a few months ago, it was alright with me. But then life started feeling so... Empty. Like I was just alive and not really living my life. Like I was just another high school kid doing whatever for no reason at all. And then, after thinking about it for a long time, I came to a couple of realizations: 1) The quirky, geeky, creative girl I am when I'm alone was not there in the person I was at school. 2) If I'm the girl who says whatever and isn't afraid to say anything, then why are there so many things that I was fine leaving unsaid?  Which led me to the fact that I was hiding myself from the world because I'm afraid of being vulnerable. I was afraid of having everyone see that I'm a mess and that I really don't know what to do with myself half of the time. I didn't want people to give people a chance to see anything that really makes me who I am.

So I've decided two things: 1) I'm going to just be me. I'm going to dance in the rain, sing everywhere, cry because I'm sad and it's all I can do, laugh at things I think are funny, I'm going to tell people how I feel about them,  I'm just going to do and be me, and no one is going to stop me.  2) When I get to the place that I'm moving to at the end of August, I'm going to start videoblogging about anything and everything. And It's going to be just me. Uncensored, unedited, unpolished, geeky, crazy, strange, creative, dramatic, quirky me. So that way you guys can actually see who and what I am. if you're cool with it, then that's awesome. If you're confused, I understand. If you want me to just stop writing already, then I will. :)

- Teale