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In My Ear Buds

A good friend of mine asked me about two weeks ago to stop putting up so much poetry all the time and just talk for a change. So for the past two weeks, I've been trying to figure out what to post. Then yesterday, it came and smacked me in the face - I should tell the people what the heck it is that I listen to in those ear buds I wear all the time. So I came up with a list of my 15 favorite songs of this year. I hope you'll like them.

1. I Swear This Time I Mean It - Mayday Parade
Mayday Parade has become my favorite band of the 2010-11' school year, just because their lyrics are really emotional. I really enjoy the style of this song - just a guy singing about how he misses his girl, and how he wants to protect her, but he thinks that he's not good enough for her.

2. No Way Out - This Century
I actually found This Century on accident, and now I'm quite the fan. The song itself is nice, and it's really nice to just relax and listen to.

3. Party Foul (2008 Version) - Danger Radio
I love the funk meets rock with Danger Radio. Their music always makes me want to dance, and it's all really fun stuff.

4. Beauty in the Breakdown - The Scene Aesthetic
This song makes me want to go out side on a sunny day and lay in the grass. I love the acoustic sound of this song. It's really beautiful.

5.Giving Yourself Away - Artist vs. Poet
I am a loyal devotee of Artist vs. Poet, and I just love the meaning of this song. The meaning is that the thing that makes your life worth something is giving of yourself.

6. All I Want - A Day to Remember
This song makes me think - it strikes something in me that I can't describe in words. I love the power in this song.

7. Spotlight (New Regrets) - Patrick Stump
I was really impressed by this song from the Patrick Stump. After Fall Out Boy broke up and he started his personal project, I really wondered what his music would be like. And now that it's around, I'm really quite impressed.

8. My Beautiful Rescue - This Providence
This song is totally astounding. I love that this song isn't about some girl - it's about God. It's probably the happiest, most beautiful, most astounding song I've ever listened to.

9. Past Praying For - VersaEmerge
VersaEmerge has a completely different sound from most of the bands I listen to, but that's one of the reasons they're one of my favorite bands. I really like the lyrics of this song. Sierra Kusterbeck (the vocalist), is definitely gifted.

10. Liar Liar - NeverShoutNever!
The music of this song is really great - I love the sound. Although Christofer Drew isn't the best vocalist in the universe, is voice is actually decent with this track. The lyrics are also relatable for me because I know a lot of people like the ones he's singing about.

11.Is Anybody Out There - The Downtown Fiction
I love all the little details in this song, about how what the two people are thinking. I love the storytelling style of this track.

12. Bad Dream - This Century
This is actually an acoustic-sounding track, and it's really sweet. I adore the raw perfection of this song - it's not over produced, and it has a different kind of feel from most of the songs This Century has.

13.Keep On Bringing Me Down - Forever the Sickest Kids
Most of the songs FTSK has published in the last couple of years has, in a word, sucked. But, this song actually brought back their old sound that made me listen to them in the first place, and the song as a whole is good.

14.If the Moon Fell Down Tonight - Dear Juliet
I love this song. It's phenomenal. The lyrics always make me smile, no matter what's going on in my life. Every song Dear Juliet has is amazing. No joke.

15. Bulletproof Heart - My Chemical Romance
MCR has become one of the most listened to bands on my iPod. I just love this song, I don't know why. 

If you don't know some of the songs on here, look them up! Some will be extremely hard to get a hold of, while others can be easily found. But still, this is my playlist for now. I hope you look them up, because most of them don't get the attention they deserve. - Teale

Blind

How does he see
What I can't see?
He always tells me
"Baby, you look beautiful"
But I can't see it
Am I looking through a dirty mirror?
Because the only thing that I can see
Is a monster
Staring back at me
Broken and disfigured

He must be blind
I can't be
That girl he dreams about at night,
The girl inside those songs
The one he held inside his arms

I just hope one day that I'll see
All the beauty that he sees in me.

- <3 Teale

Four of Four

Even though he's far away

On the opposite side of the ocean

He's still with me

In the scars on my wrists

Telling me

"Everything'll be alright."

I'm still waiting for the day I'll see him again

To feel his fingers laced in mine

To feel complete again

To know that everything is alright

Three of Four

The hardest part

Isn't trying to stop

It's trying to get that little voice out of your head

The one that tells you

"Go."

But with his help

I stopped picking up the phone when that little voice would call

Hell

Couldn't even begin to define what I had been through

And somehow

He never left my side

Our lives wove together like a rainbow tapestry

He saved me from myself

Something I would never be able to repay him for

And the scars

Highlighted in the sunlight

Remind me of him everyday

Two of Four

Pain

A cut,

A bruise,

A hole in my heart,

This gaping wound cannot be fixed.

Broken into pieces

Lying on the floor

Death encroaching

Then a hand,

Small but strong,

Reaches down and grabs my hand

Pulls me up off of the floor and into his arms

He tells me " you can't lay there on the floor, pick yourself up and do something about that hole in your heart. 

I can help you, if you want."

Help? Oh yes, help. 

"You, help me? Hmm..."

"I'll be there for you every hour of every day, Don't go and take your life away."

One of Four

This poem is apart of a four-part poem. Don't worry, I'll post it all within these next two weeks. I haven't named it yet, but I think it speaks for itself, even without a name And also,parts of this poem are fictional, and no, I don't slit my wrists.

Woke up this morning

Realized that we're all growing old

And that we're all going to die.

Don't know why life is worth the pain

When it could all be gone with a silver blade

It calls to me sometimes

Telling me "I can make it all fine."

Whispering in my ear

"Come."

A blade to my wrist

Blood flowing down my arms

Crimson red in the sink

A wave of relief

Content once again.

Can'tSaveYouLove

Don't you know that I can't save you?
I just can't save you from yourself
I'm sorry it has to be this way
But this is the only way this can work.

Why can't you realize I'm not as strong as you think I am?
Can't you see I'm just as broken as you?

Had it ever crossed your mind
That maybe
Just maybe
I haven't picked my pieces up?

Had you ever stopped to think
That maybe I too am incomplete?

It'sMorePoetryLove

This poem is dedicated to the people who love me, those who put up with me, those I loved, those who I don't know anymore, those who didn't want to be friends with me because I was "too weird", those people that know me, and those that I'll know someday. You mean too much to me.


Do you know how it feels to drown?
To lose yourself in the love and adoration of another human being?
To be consumed in the sorrow of someone else's pain?
It's like slowly letting go of a cliff,
Your strength fades away,
And you're spiraling down to your death with nothing you can do to save yourself.

Because that cliff you held onto,
Crumbled,
Cracked,
Went and left you to die because you "weren't good enough."
So you sink to the bottom of the ocean,
Dying,
With nothing and no one to save you.

No button to push,
No name to call,
No card to play,
Just the encroaching feel of cold,
Life slipping away.

And as you die you wonder,
How could I ever let anyone hurt me like this?
What did I do to deserve this?
Why did this have to happen to me?

No answer comes,
As you drown in your words,
In your thoughts,
In your feelings,
In that ocean,

Dead and shattered forevermore.

I'mRamblingLove

You know something, guys confuse me. They say one thing, and then they do another. For one thing, I’m a chick and I HATE this mixed signal business. It’s really confusing. I don’t know why people don’t have the courage to say what they need to say. I guess this is one of the reasons why I even started this blog, why I even take the time to write this stuff and put it up here. I’m just tired of all the signals people send… Ones they don’t take the time to even think about before they’re sent.

A really good friend of mine told me once, “People are going to hate you, and people are going to love you. But the person’s love that should matter the most to you should be your own love.”   I used to really hate myself; I thought the world hated me, that I was a freak, and that I was always going to be that way.  Then I moved back to Okinawa (where I live now), and I just figured myself out. It may have taken me two years, but I’m here.

I live inside of my own little world when I’m alone, a place where everything is the way I want it to be. Where I am the person I want to be… And it’s hard to make the transition back to reality because I’ve made it my idea of perfection. I wonder day after day, when it’s just me, who and what I really am and what I want to be. And I have so many dreams, each with their own positives and negatives, and I think sometimes that maybe I just need to get my head out of the clouds and come back to Earth. I live one life in reality and another in my head, and sometimes I want to be someone that I’m not, but I just want the things in my head to come true so I can stop living a double life.  - Teale

I'mFreeLove

Do you know that feeling you get when you leave someone who's been driving you insane? Well, she's left the building, if you understand what I mean. I don't think there's ever been a time in my life when I've been on a high like this one. Man, you have NO IDEA. I feel like dancing in the middle of the street naked. :P I'm joking about that, but still, I feel like I just exhaled and every tiny thing that was bothering me disappeared. This feels SO GOOD. 

It started like this:
Yesterday, the person that has been bothering me (you know, the one from my "It'sAnnoyingLove" post) deleted me on Facebook after she and I got into a heated discussion about religion. (That's why I wrote my other post yesterday.) The whole conversation actually started with me asking her why people were so upset with me over my decision to add the Anti Gay-Straight Alliance on Facebook. I explained my reasoning and everything, it was actually one of the most sound arguments I've ever put up with someone. Then she got all "Well the Bible also says..." Because I explained part of my reasoning to her from a religious aspect. I was like"'Well, yeah it does say that, but that was a rule God placed on the Jews and..." And then she tried to tell me what to think. That single thing right there bothers me more than all of the other things put together. Because if you really know me, you'd know that I am what I am. There's no changing that. 

So after that, she got really kinda mad, and when she got home, she deleted me on Facebook. And THIS FEELS SO GOOD. - Teale

It'sMyReligionLove

I may not have brought this up before, but my dad is a chaplain. My whole life I’ve grown up as a Christian. Secondly, I know a lot more about the Bible than your average Joe. So don’t even try to tell me what the Bible says when you don’t really know it. Just because in the Old Testament, God created many rules for the Jews to abide by because the Jews are his Holy Kingdom on earth. He wanted them to be as much like him as possible. For instance, there is a rule in the Old Testament that basically says “If you hit your mom or dad, your punishment is death.” Umm, hello? I hit my mom or dad and my punishment is death? Like, WTF?! See, that is EXACTLY MY POINT. Those rules in the Old Testament were the rules that god made for the Jews.  Those rules were created for his establishment of his physical kingdom on Earth. However, I’m not saying that ALL the rules that god wrote for the Israelites don’t still apply, they actually do. The punishments on the other hand, they don’t apply.

Just look at it this way: 

The New Testament is the writings for the new promise that God created for his spiritual kingdom of believers.  The Old Testament is the old promise god made with the Israelites. There, understand? So don’t pretend like I don’t know anything. - Teale

It'sAnotherPoemLove :D

I've always wondered why you are the way you are,
How it is you ended up
Mixed into a convoluted story of emotions
Trapped
Wondering how you'll get out
I know that it's my fault
I'd hoped that maybe you'd help me get out too
That's why I dragged you into this
But I think now it's time to let you go
Time to let you do what you want to
It doesn't matter if I get hurt
Because if you're happy
I'm happy too. <3

It'sAnnoyingLove

10/23/2010 – 7:13 PM

So, I’m at the last performance of “The Hollow.” We’ve been on now for 13 minutes, and I’m actually kinda relieved that tonight’s our last show. The show’s SUPER AMAZING, but it’s been SOOOOOOO stressful for me. I hate that through all of the shows we’ve had, I’m the only that’s been doing anything. (And Steffany loves her for this ♥) Errgh, I guess this means that I have to tell you about everything from the beginning.      

So, I volunteered to select and create costumes for the show, and I was talking about how much I missed being on stage with a friend of mine. So she went and signed up to help – in the same department I signed up to help in. Right now you’re probably going “Well then why are you complaining?!” Well, I wanted to be back where I was truly comfortable without having to deal with anyone’s stupid crap and people’s criticism about what I picked out for the people to wear. But she and I wound up working together. At first, I was “the costumer.” And at the beginning, I was really weighed down with homework, and she went in to start picking things out. Truthfully, I think that the things she picks out to wear are well, in a word, ugly. That’s the honest to god truth. At first, I was like “ok, whatever, I can deal with this.” But then after that week, She was like “I’m the person now, you’re just my footstool.” Well, she didn’t actually say that, but that was how it came across. Anyway, she was like, “Yeah, I picked out all this stuff, and my mom and I did this and that and blah blah blah,” and I was like “Well, ok, yeah. That’s cool.” You know? But then as time went on, She started driving me INSANE with her, “I like this guy but he doesn’t like me” bullshit that she knows I can’t stand, and her “I like this, so this is what we’re picking for this character.” So, she acted like she was the leader all this time, and now when it comes down to it, she’s too scared to even set foot in the backstage theatre area while the show’s going on. She just sits in the drama teacher’s room and texts this guy she likes that I know couldn’t care less about her. I know that sucks for her and everything, but really I don’t care anymore. She still lives inside her head. She’s been acting like the only person that matters is her – like the entire damned universe revolves around her, and it’s pissing me off to say the least. She just sits in the classroom at the computer and doesn’t leave to help anyone or make sure everyone’s good. Instead she sits there obsessing over some guy she’s texting and being mad about another guy who knows in his head who and what she really is, and he likes one of our other friends. She’s been like, OVERLY JEALOUS of our other friend since this all started. Again, SHE’S DRIVING ME CRAZY!!!!! I mean seriously, could she please just get her head in the game, suck it up, and move on?!?!?! No, she can’t. It’s too late for that. So I’m just dealing with it. - Teale

It'sPoeticLove

Like I said in my last post, I LOVE POETRY. It's the perfect outlet for my ridiculous and overly dramatic life. Sometimes, I just boil over with emotion or people drive me crazy, and I start writing a poem to get all the crap out of my head. Other times, I can't find the right words to say or I'll write what I really want to say instead of saying something and hurting someones feelings. It's really nice to be able to say what you honestly want to say when you want to say it. Honestly, it's one of the only ways I can say what I need to say sometimes. But that in itself is amazing to be able to do, and I'm glad that I'm privileged enough to be able to.

The following is a poem I wrote about two weeks ago. It's untitled, and I hope you like it.

When we look up
eyes focused on the sky
Wondering what to do with our lives
And why we must grow old and die
We realize
Not our dreams
Our hopes
Our future
Can bring us down
Just the world can hold us back from our dreams.
But we can't let the world control us
Let it change who and what we are
Or else we'll all be the same
Driven mad by society's game.
Living to love
Loving to live
And daring to step foot outside the box of normality
Can make peace and harmony
Just one step outside that box can bring those dreams down from the sky.
  - Teale

Well, hi.

My name is Teale. I'm a poet, crazy person, friend, musician, language fanatic, photographer, actress, reader, dreamer, wonderer, and just really chill. I love to read, sing and write poetry. I like photography too, but I'm not very good at it. I decided my blog is going to be me, 5834%. I'm really opinionated, and I like to ramble on and on, which I hope won't drive you crazy. This is going to be the home of all the little things that I love. I hope you enjoy it. - <3 Teale